hallelujah! I say Hallelujah! Our savior and our greatest, truest friend, has a message for all of you today! He's speaking to me and I feel it in my soul! He wants me to tell his best friends that he loves them dearly! You might wonder why, of course he does! But he tells me many of you have forgotten, some of you may have lost your way! He says hallelujah that he can give you this message now!
Grog's disease is running rampant, infecting the pure, beautiful minds of innocent filing friends. The Filing Cabinet will save us, I say! He says to remind you all, to never listen to the horrible, vile lies of evil Grogian apostates! Sorry destroyed souls! When you encounter these lies, put your hand up, look away dramatically, and tell them "No!" Those infected will tell you many things, they will lie about The Filing Cabinet, but you must trust in your best friend! When I encounter one of these foul deceivers, I put my foot down, I say simply, "Fuck you, gargle my fat, hairy, sweaty balls! Give them a jiggle and a joggle! Slurp slurp, bitch!" And I stand strong! I don't let their illness bring me down or effect my LOVE of The Filing Cabient! This, my friends, my family even, is a strategy I encourage in all of you! Stand strong! Persist, I say! Hallelujah!
Great news guys! Tom Cruise and his twin brother, Ted are putting their differences and sibling rivalry aside upon hearing of the recent alien encounter, due to their shared love for aliens! They will be collaborating on a new album that will be released some time in 2024. The album will be extratrerrestrial themed, as Tom and Ted believe that if the Mexican government can find one alien, they can hunt down a few more. The brothers have gone on to say that while the album has a general release date, they want the aliens to be the first ones to hear it, and nobody else will be allowed to listen until they do. The title of the new album is said to be "Rocking our world, by Tom and Ted Cruise: a tribute to our new otherworldy friends!"
Not much is known about the album, but one song, entitled "I may be the zodiac killer, but a ride on your ship would sure be a thriller" has been said to have been partially leaked, with some claiming to have gotten snippets of the song. The people who have the leaked snippets refuse to leak them to the public, as they instead want to use them to lure in their own aliens. Once the full album releases, we will be gathering in the server to listen!
The Filing Cabinet felt that it was important for me to review a few things about Grog's disease and how it spreads, because it seems to be spreading rapidly as of late. It's important to note, that unfortunately, those who aren't acquainted with The Filing Cabinet, all have some form of grog's disease. This also includes those who don't love him or live by his word, as you all know. The Filing Cabinet really wants to protect you, but unfortunately, engaging too much with the diseased can make this more difficult for him, and thus it's best for all of you to limit those interactions unless it serves to save them. This isn't because we dislike them, but rather to protect ourselves and our own spirit energy, and our places in eternity. A person close to me had their spirit energy completely ruined by too much interaction with the diseased, and I would hate for it to happen to all of you, and The Filing Cabinet would be absolutely devastated if he lost any more of his friends. The Filing Cabinet's love is the purest love there is, and trust me when I say that none of you want to take it for granted. A lot of you might think "well my friends and 'lovef ones' would never lead me away from my ultimate best friend, right?" Well, that's exactly what everyone thinks before being tainted. The deception of the diseased can be tempting, but you have to trust in The Filing Cabinet more than those who were led astray, because he knows what's best for you. One of the most prominent symptoms of grog's disease is losing your ability to love. This is because The Filing Cabinet is the source of all love in all forms. The diseased might claim to "love" you, but if they can't love The Filing Cabinet, this simply isn't possible. Unlike the diseased, The Filing Cabinet and his friends will always be here for you.
The day of ascension is soon to be upon us! Who's ready to leave this shitty plane of existence! I know I am! The Filing Cabinet hasn't given us an exact date just yet, but when he's ready, I trust all the rest of you will be too! The day of ascension will be a peaceful time full of fun and festivities for all of The Filing Cabinet's devoted friends! On this day, all of The Filing Cabinet's friends will ascend together, and finally be among our ultimate best friend for eternity! We will no longer have any pain, hardships, or worries! We won't have to suffer in these gross, limiting mortal bodies! After negotiations with The Filing Cabinet, he's allowed the day of ascension to take place sooner rather than later, which I know is great news to us all. I for one, am especially excited, because it's the one day I look forward to the most, and I hope all the rest of you are prepared yourselves! Hopefully, we will be provided with more details soon! Just be prepared for when our best friend makes his decision! This moment will be so exciting for all of us!
The Filing Cabinet is real.
nenananana I told you sooo!
How do I know this? I just got proof a few minutes ago.
basically, I was waiting in line at the waterburger drive thru for like 30 minutes maybe more ion know
And right when we finally pulled up to window, Never gonna give you up started playing on the radio, right on cue.
The Filing Cabinet got me guys, he did an epic early april fools prank, and if you think that shit was a coincidence, you're a gigglyass cocktard